It’s late. Very late. Extremely late. So late it’s early, as your aunt used to say. Instead of trying to get back to sleep like a sensible person, why not try these activities to while away the hours?

Ride a bus to end of its route

Alcohol is often unintentionally responsible for this late night enterprise, but for the mild-tempered there’s a reckless thrill in staying on a bus to see just how far you can go.

Listen to the World Service

You’re never alone so long as the BBC exists. After the Shipping Forecast reports on FitzRoy and Lundy, Radio 4 cedes its frequencies to the World Service, to the comfort of insomniacs everywhere.

Eat a bagel

Most of Britain shuts down by 1 in the morning. Brick Lane’s Beigel Bake, luckily, is not most of Britain, offering bagels whenever you bloody well please. Best of luck to it.

Watch the stars

A three-season sleeping bag can change your life. Buy one today and spend tonight under the stars. If you get a bivouac you don’t even need a tent. Also you get to say “bivouac” a lot.

Get a haircut

For reasons that aren’t entirely clear, the Neil Cornelius salon in Mayfair offers 24-hour hair appointments. Presumably it’s a more peaceful experience, and you can look your best for the binman.

Do some exercise

Find your nearest canal and go for a lovely jog, preferably without any high-vis clothing so that you don’t bother the ducks. You will definitely not end up murdered.

Originally published in Oh Comely Issue Thirty-Six.